Way Back Wednesay

*Mommy Diaries, star date June 2007

What's Way Back Wednesday?

Being a Mommy

It has only been a few weeks since little Sassafras graced us with her presence, and our entire world has been turned upside down! We are seeing hours of the day that we haven't seen in years, and besides that we have absolutely no sense of day or time other than when the baby ate/peed/pooped last, and when she's due for another feeding or change. All during our pregnancy we heard about how life was about to change. We anticipated the odd hours and sheer exhaustion of caring for a newborn, but there have been some surprises.

I never knew that I would get so excited about Sassafras's burps.  I did not expect for my whole world to revolve around when and how much formula she takes. I did not know how happy her smiles (yeah-I know they aren't really smiles at a few weeks old...but they sure are cute) would thrill my soul the way they do.

Nothing could have prepared me for the irrational anxieties of motherhood. I worry incessantly about her feeding, pooping and peeing (too little? too much?), her breathing, her tummy, her sleep cycles (too much? not enough?), if she's too hot or too cold, and whether she's comfortable in her swing or in my lap or wherever she happens to be at the moment.  We did have a few scary choking episodes that make me worry about whether it will happen again and, if so, if I will be there to suction out the gook.  Still, my mind has no peace at night unless she is beside me (in her bed pulled up close to ours) with my hand on her chest feeling the rise and fall of her breathing.

Mostly, I could never have expected to have so much love for this tiny little baby...and the love of a mother is such a fierce love! There are so many loved ones in my life that I know I would die for, but I believe I would kill for Sassafras. Just sitting and holding her is so amazing. Sometimes when she looks at me and makes one of her silly faces, it absolutely takes my breath away.  I love looking into her eyes and thinking about what those eyes will see in her lifetime.  I do know that God has really big things in store for this little girl!

*5 years later...oh yeah, does He ever have great, big plans for her!