One at a time




Little Pearl recently earned a reward and set her sights on the local ice cream shop. As we sat there at our tiny little bistro table (just the two of us) I really saw her, maybe for the first time in a long time. We had an easy, good talk about nothing at all. There were giggles. We held hands just because. I wondered when her face had started changing around the jawline. She told me all about so and so in her class who did this, that, and yonder, and even what she thought about the whole operation. I saw that she had a tiny scratch on her nose, and that her fingernails, which grow more beautifully than any child or adult I've ever known, needed some minor trimming.   

Since the four of us became the five of us, my relationship with my big girls has been wrapped up in whatever good or service they need me to provide for them at each particular moment in time. They are my world and I love them so, but most every time they come to me it is to ask me to do or get them something. Not a lot of authentic communing going on here during this transition time. 

Laugh if you must, those of you with big families who have long since figured out how to run your households like well-oiled machines, but I'm going to tell you the truth: life in our family is a bit helter-skelter. On a regular day, our routine involves wake-up drama, breakfast drama, clothing drama...and that's all just before 6:30am. Myself included, there is always someone who needs something, or something else, or a different version of the first something you just gave them. 

It's hard to make out the individual voices when the sea of us swells incessantly.

The Captain and I aren't great about a weekly evening out, but we do work on connecting outside the logistics of who is picking up the kids and what are we having for dinner. We love each other, but the reality of life is that making time for one-on-one conversation requires effort. 

The same is true for our littles. Though we read about this during adoption prep, we have focused mostly on attachment and bonding together as a family; we have flat out not done a good job of spending one on one time with each one of the girls. It's just hard to execute on a regular basis, as it obviously requires childcare/other arrangements for the two whose turns are coming. Those of you who accomplish this well, please do advise, for we realize that this old concept will help us see-really see- the trees in our forest.