Way Back Wednesday

*Mommy Diaries, star date September 2009

Poor Sassafras is going to grow up confused and thinking the room with the potties is called the Don't Touch Anything room! Every time she has to go potty, or thinks she has to go potty, or just wants to go look at the potty (which is about 5-7 times per outing now), Mommy shifts into the DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING mode.

Merciful heavens, public bathrooms are disgusting! Who knows who with their who knows what has left all their nastiness behind to either be contracted by the next victim or make someone really, really sick. It's a war zone, and the germs have the home field advantage. Personally, I think that all public bathrooms should be of the single-serve variety, and you should be able to set off a disinfecting bomb or something after you're done. That way, always clean and fresh and germ-free for the next customer. I dare say I would pay for such an amenity. $1 per use? Totally worth it.

So Sass is 2. We're working on the whole potty thing. That sounds like a great idea if you're home all the time where you know exactly who has been on your toilet seat. Just one trip to the public potty is exhausting, and we can usually count on several during a meal or other trip.

When we walk in the bathroom, immediately I'm checking out the stalls to see which one looks least deadly. Then I use hand sanitizer, or antibacterial soap to wipe off the seat-front, top, and sides....and usually once more just to make sure all the germies are dead. Then I line the seat. (All the while I'm pausing every other millisecond to remind Sass, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. She is usually licking the handrails, peeking under the stall at the poor chick next door, or playing with the toilet brush at this point.) By the way, lining the seat is ridiculous. Even if you go around that thing twice, by the time her little keister gets up there, either the paper shifts or she tears it or it falls off. So far we have a 100% fail rate at keeping paper between skin and plastic.

She does her business, which almost always amounts to 2 drops of tinkle, if that. Several times she is sitting there fighting the inevitable #2, knowing full well she needs to go but doesn't want to. As I'm helping her redress, and reiterating DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING, she's usually trying to play with the remnants of the toilet paper and/or stick her fingers in her mouth...the fingers that she just had wrapped around a toilet. A public toilet. By this time I'm seriously contemplating whether or not dipping her in a vat of hand sanitizer would even help. She spends her last seconds in the stall arguing with me over why she should flush the toilet (it's her turn, she wants to do it herself, etc.). Then by the time we wash and dry hands (me reminding her DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING, after which she usually hangs on the garbage can and defiles her hands once more), either our party has left the building OR the restaurant has closed.

It is at this point that she usually poops in her pants.

Any of this sound familiar? Kids are nasty, I tell ya. N-A-S-T-Y. Changing diapers is not half as disgusting as using the public potty! I will be so glad when she masters this skill and we can move on...that, or when someone takes off with my potty disinfectant bomb idea!

*Post-month and a half in Africa plus mother of three children Michelle says: Good grief, I was a nut. Germs. So what. Lick it twice, girls. Good for the immunity!