Fool me once, real tree...

So the Captain and I inherited an old, discarded artificial tree when we set out together...the kind that wasn't even pre-lit. It lasted a few years, but then the branches started stabbing us with its metal spikes. 

So we went to Sears the day after Christmas one year and bought a fantabulously pre-lit frasier fir (the kind where the needles come to a point...those are my fave) and lived happily ever after. But then the big pieces of the "trunk" of the tree stopped jiving together. 

So last year we thought, hey, let's try going old school. Let's take it retro. Let's take these kids to the dang FARM and CUT OUR OWN TREE. It will be so awesome, we said.

And then that tree died a quick and very painful death. It was quite literally a fire hazard, and had no business sitting in our house of children with its old dried up self scratching people who got too near and being thirsty because it refused to drink. We tried some Pinteresty and Lifehacky ideas to revive it, to no avail. 

This year the theme was about redemption, man. We were going to ROCK the live tree, and prove to ourselves that we could handle this. We could. Really. And it started out well. My tree decor will never make it to Southern Living, but it is always full of memories and that we love so very much. It was gorgeous and lush and seemed to take to our abode, thriving and guzzling water like a marathon runner. Despite that, about a week into it the needles started shedding, which made us a little sad. We watered and watered and watered and still it was dying, but whatever because it's almost Christmas, right? 

And then THIS. Doggone if we didn't walk into the house to THIS mess today:

When we lifted and repositioned and RE-REpositioned the tree, there was easily an inch-thick layer of pine needles underneath that sucker. In addition to broken ornaments (not the ugly ones, mind you, those are juuuuust fine...only the precious fragile ones that we have loved for 13 years were injured in the crash). 

Even The Captain (AKA "Mr. Cool Cucumber") is rattled. He even cussed a little bit and has been driven to walking around the house singing "Dumb Christmas tree, dumb Christmas bare are your branches."

Hey, on the up side, though, do we "get" to decorate the tree twice this year.  

Feliz Navidad, friends. See ya at Sears/Lowe's/Costco/ANYWHERE SELLING ARTIFICIAL TREES the day after Christmas.