Which buzzfeed quiz are you?

Tell me, please. What is it about all these dadgum Buzzfeed quizzes? The whole world has gone completely mad with these things, and I don't know about you, but I simply cannot resist that click. 

Is it that it feeds our egos, our focus on self? Or maybe something a little more harmless, like simple nostalgia for days gone by...the ones where we had time to curl up on the couch with a multicolored clicky pen and a Seventeen magazine? Whatever the reason is, the more random they are, the stronger they draw me in. 

Truly, the sheer number of quizzes out there alone must be a sign of general impending madness. In the past three weeks I have taken every single last one of these idiotic, narcissistic questionnaires. So I thought I'd just get it all out in the open here. 

What type of book? well-loved
What city should you live in? NOLA
What book character are you? the tree from The Giving Tree
American president? Lincoln
TV mom? Claire Huxtable
Hillbilly name? Trixie
Who's your TV boyfriend? Derek Morgan from Criminal Minds
Which disciple? Andrew
Biblical woman? Naomi
One word best describes you? altruistic
Profession should you have? writer
How healthy is your mind? 98.5%
Which Christian denomination should you actually be a part of? Lutheranism
How long have you and your spouse been married? 20+ years
Which Disney snack are you? Mickey bar
What kind of woman are you? low maintenance
How weird are you? cray cray
What magical creature are you? mermaid
How old am I/guess my real age? 42
What should my nickname be? Captain (we found this hysterical)
What should be on my gravestone? "A teacher to all"
My spirit animal? bear
How much general knowledge do you have? 35/50
Which Bible verse describes you? Romans 8:38
Which iconic role were you born to play? Princess Leia
What color is my personality? blue family
How many amazing medical facts do you know? brain surgeon
What member of the Justice League? Batman
Which quote from a Disney movie should be your life's motto? "Let your conscience be your guide."
How many Bohemian Rhapsody lyrics? 20/26 (*I find this shameful, yes I do.)
Can we guess your current job? author
What awkward teenage phase did you go through? skater
What Jung archetype? hero
Which soda are you? Fanta

It was that soda quiz that pushed me over the edge, y'all. I mean, what in the world? Why do I care what some random, poorly-written quiz says about my soda type???

So what's your favorite random Buzzfeed quiz? Or how about this...if I was going to write a Buzzfeed quiz, it would be _____________?