Ethics in Adoption

Well, now. See, what had happened was...I've had this post on adoption ethics brewing for some time. It's such a tricky subject, with complexities within every single layer. I wrote and researched and tweaked but it never seemed to come together just the right way. Just the best way. Just the perfect balance of truth and grace.

But the good news is, these ladies have accomplished what I couldn't seem to at this moment in time. Check out their posts on this essential and sadly overlooked topic in much of the adoption world.

Rachel Goode (Heirs with Christ)

Jen Hatmaker (Part 1)

Know before you click that these are not "feel good" kinds of posts. They are brimming with piercing truth, and it might sting a bit. For many, even many adoptive parents, the questions sparked in these posts are completely new. Frankly, I believe that among the many reasons for this, on a practical and basic philosophical level, analyzing the ethics of any given topic comes only after an individual understands the nuts and bolts of the issue itself.

What I applaud these brave ladies for is bringing these truths to light and inviting the adoption world (particularly the Christian adoption movement) to take great care in asking the right questions of ourselves and of agencies/attorneys/facilitators before and during the adoption process.

Time


Without even having to ask what I wanted and needed most, my favorites knew that the best Mothers’ Day gift for me this year was time.

Time away.

Time to think.

Time to breathe.

Time to relax.

Time to write.

Time to dream.

Time free from the incessant barrage of expectations that I sometimes feel I’m drowning in as a working mother of three small children.  

When I got to my van Friday afternoon, there was a hotel key and an address on my seat. In that hotel room was literally everything I could ever have needed or wanted for the next 24 hours: journal, clothes, toiletries, laptop, iPad, books, tech case, extra phone charger in case I’d forgotten mine, a mani/pedi gift certificate for a place right up the street, a gift card for dinner from my favorite restaurant within walking distance, a stash of drinks in the mini fridge, snacks, and most importantly…a small pile of chocolate.

It was the stuff of dreams, y’all.

For 24 hours I prayed and read and wrote and cried. I organized my files, took a frivolously long shower, left fragile items wherever I wanted, and let the Yelp app choose my breakfast.

You may have a different personality type, but God made me in such a way that time like this is as essential to my sanity as having air to breathe. I truly love the service-oriented nature of my profession, but the fact is that all day long, I’m covered up with endless requests from teenagers and adults who need, need, need and are loud, loud, loud about it. As soon as Sassafras walks into my library each afternoon, work life and mom life overlap. My kids, my sweet and beautiful treasures, they also need, need, need and are loud, loud, loud about it. It can suck the life right on out of an introvert.

Maybe not anything so lavish as this carefully orchestrated getaway, but on a regular basis I need some time. Mamas need some time.

Let’s try to do a better job of taking some small bits of time, ladies. Families, hold us to it. 

A Southern Ruckus

The Captain and others whose opinions I greatly value have been telling me that a change in URL really was necessary.

And that Sperare Caeli was sweet and all, but nobody can pronounce it.

And that it might be helpful to interested readers to have an address that people can remember.

And spell.

And even at though I'm no expert in the bliggety bloggin' universe or marketing or whatever you want to call it...even at my most obstinate I had to admit they were right.

And so here we are. Welcome to A Southern Ruckus. Same song, different channel.

I'm so glad you're here.

She can read!

Literacy is a BIG DEAL in this house.

Hmmm, can't imagine why.

We've been in the emergent literacy phase with Sassafras for quite some time. What happens in this phase is complex but can be boiled down to this: learning letters and their sounds, understanding the way English reads (left-right, top-bottom, external parts of a book, turning pages, etc.). You don't have to have a degree in education to help your child with this...and it also doesn't have to be a total bore for either of you.

Want proof?

See? Easy. Have I done all of those with Sassafras? No, but we have done some. Montessori apps on the iPod Touch are my current favorites for encouraging her current stage of language acquisition.

Okay, so my "some" coupled with her ohsoprecious teacher's "a lot" has resulted in a wondrous thing.

My Sassafras can read. Mostly by herself, she can actually start and read a simple storybook from start to finish. Amazing.

We have reading homework pretty much every night, and no we don't get it done every night like we should. What can I say-we're still in that do what you can do and that has to be good enough adjustment stage. Actually, that adjustment stage is quickly becoming our way of life. The jury's still out on whether that is a good or a bad thing. I digress...

Some nights we actually get her book read three times so she can take a quiz on it the next day. I had been reading it to her, then reading it again with her repeating after me, then reading it a third time changing out some of the words in a silly way and letting her correct me, giggling all the while. One night I got a wild hair and said, You read it to me by yourself.

Me? All by myself? 

All by yourself. 

And she did. She tripped over a few words here and there, but she honest-to-goodness read the whole stinkin book all by her lonesome. I nearly wept, and fully realized that this was way bigger than just a proud mom moment. This was a defining moment in her life. Laugh all you want at the silly liberry lady but that quote from Frederick Douglass about how "Once you learn to read, you will be forever free," yeah, I live and breathe that.

Douglass meant it in the literal sense, that once a slave learned to read, he or she could then be free from being told what to think. Rather, they would have the ability to think, form opinions, analyze, and make decisions independently.

The Captain and I have some lofty aspirations for our girls, and their ability to think in this world is in the top tier. Literacy is a key to that.

Pardon me if I reach for the tissues when she reads a Biscuit book, for I know it's just a short step away from the day she is consuming and analyzing Scripture and literary classics.



Opting out

Sassafras is barely halfway through kindergarten, but there is one thing I already know about her third grade year, unless I see major changes in American educational practices: she won't take standardized tests.

Usually initiated in the third grade (though every state has its own guidelines), children undergo a series of assessments supposedly intended to determine what they have learned during the school year. This is the way it is and has been done for decades in public schools, and I have a bone to pick with the Establishment.

Put up your dukes, Establishment.
  • As a parent, I am adamantly opposed to subjecting my child to unnecessary stress or anxiety. The testing conditions required for standardized tests heap pressure on kids (seats in arrangements different from their normal routine, absolute silence, even if they finish early they have to just sit silently-no reading or drawing, writing out explanations for responses-even math-writing in special boxes but not one stray mark outside the box or the answer document is invalid, bubbling in exactly the right answer in exactly the right bubble and with the bubble perfectly filled but stay inside the bubble lines or your answer document may not be scored correctly...for a start). It also places undue pressure on teachers; trained state or district monitors visit every school to make sure everyone is following the rules. As a teacher, failing to enforce testing conditions means loss of your certification and likely loss of your job. You are required by state law to sign an annual contract stating as much.  
  • As an educator, I wholly disagree with using one criterion-referenced assessment to make assumptions about a teacher or a child. We are repeatedly indoctrinated at the undergraduate and graduate levels that using one evaluation method is insufficient to paint a picture of what a learner knows, and furthermore is rather languid pedagogy. It is hypocritical to teach us that other, varied methods of evaluation are superior but then require us to administer standardized assessments every spring. I also find it revolting that the whole premise of AYP is that every student and even more so, every teacher, is held to a standard of perfection. This is wholly unrealistic and incredibly damaging to the profession. More on that another day. It's positively madness. 
  • As a taxpaying citizen, I am positively livid that the tests are largely political in nature. I won't delve into No Child Left Behind or the current Race to the Top, but suffice it to say that one is the Right's solution to a perceived problem in how American students compare worldwide and one is the Left's. For all their hem-hawin' in Congress, both NCLB and RttT look and feel the same for teachers and students in any American classroom today. It's a nasty little trickle-down that goes like this: 
    • Legislators make laws and place pressure on the state departments of education to ensure that public schools rate highly on the tests. They use certain types of funding as a threat if states' public schools do not meet Adequate Yearly Progress goals (which, by the way, stipulate that every child in the nation will score the highest level possible on their exams by 2014). 
    • State departments and the federal department of education ride individual school districts, with threats of citations if certain progress is not made on improved test scores. Funding is once again used as a threat, as well as pressure of state take-over if a district fails to progress. 
    • School districts hit administrators with the emphasis of how considerably important it is that their schools score well on the tests. Funding for the district and for individual schools depends on it. 
    • Principals pressure teachers and parents to do anything and everything, just shy of inventing a way to literally crack kids' heads open and pouring knowledge in, to make their students get every question correct on the tests. If they don't, the school might get a red box and funding might be affected or they might be labeled as a "failing school."For teachers, if they don't follow testing procedures to a T, they are threatened with losing their certification. 
    • Parents, for the most part, understand only that the tests seems to be pretty important, given all the school's talk about it. Kids are promised treats if they come to the school and do their best on the test, because, of course, 100% participation is a must. Miss any students and individual schools suffer citation. They might get a red box on their AYP status report, which manages to make headlines every single summer. 
    •  Teachers feel all this weight: from lawmakers, from the federal and state governments, from the district leadership, and from their administrators to do whatever it takes to prepare their kids for the tests. In 11 years of being an educator, I've never personally encountered a teacher who cheated, but it happens every single year.  Some teachers believe in standardized tests, others do not; regardless, in this issue you do as you're told and administer or proctor the tests or risk a memorandum of grievance from your superiors in your permanent file. I've never refused to administer a test and have no plans for doing so in the future; I just try to smile a lot as I read my scripted testing manual and encourage the students to breathe. 
I have studied the traces of standardized tests throughout American history and do agree that they were a valid response to the hot mess that was the 70s for public education. Those in favor of modern standardized tests do have some good reasons for their positions, but they aren't good enough to negate my concerns as a parent, educator, and citizen. As a mommy of three little girls who will attend public schools, it is the Captain's and my responsibility to do the research and make a decision about what is best for our children. For now, that means opting out.

What does it mean for yours?

Opting Out Resources

National Center for Fair and Open Testing

Opting Out of More than Just Standardized Tests

Testing: What Every Parent Should Know

Student "Zombies" Protest Standardized Testing

Dear Teacher

Opting Out: A Growing Movement 

Schools Matter

A Dream to be Free at Last

State by State Standards and Testing Practices

Books on my to-read list:

Standardized Minds: The High Price of America's Testing Culture and What We Can Do to Change It 

The Myths of Standardized Tests: Why They Don't Tell You What You Think They Do 

A Measure of Failure: The Political Origins of Standardized Testing

The Case Against Standardized Testing: Raising the Scores, Ruining the Schools